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Tuesday, August 12, 2014

My Husband's NOT the Spiritual Leader, I am

Spending a few days agonizing while praying about this new post led me back to my mission for the year, "Authenticity."

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Last Friday, as I led the morning prayer (like I do every morning), I was  left feeling annoyed and regretful in the decision I made to married a man that views spending time with God as something we are supposed to do, but no one really does.

As he said, "hurry up, make the prayer short," I was even more irritated with the situation. My drive to work was filled with questions for God.

1. Why is my husband not the leader of the home?
2. How can I make him more of a spiritual person?
3. Will the future of our family be affected by his lack of dependence on you?

I really thought God would feel my pain and frustration (and honestly feel sorry for me) instead I felt him say, 

"Why do you think he is not a spiritual leader?"

I started to name the list of things, such as him not praying over the family in the morning and not spending hours a week reading his Bible etc. I went on talking and referred to the scriptures. Specifically:

As I continued talking, a sense of conviction started to come over me. From my decades of walking with God I knew this meant, my thought process was not in line with his thoughts. It took everything for me to do a 180 with my thoughts but I know at this point it was required. I then reflected on the years my husband and I spent together and remembered two things that distinctively stood out to me and confirmed he was not only a follower of Christ but the head of the home. 

1. When my one year old had a seizure.

I was in a bad place watching my 1 year old in the hospital, powerless and listless. At that point my husband gave me a big hug and said, "God will take care of him, He promised.” My son is now doing better than ever despite the bad reports.

He started pre-K yesterday J

2. When I wanted to give up on singing.

I love singing but got tired of the politics and the negativity from others in the body of Christ. My husband stated, "If you feel God doesn't want you to sing any more you can stop, but I feel as though, God is calling you to reach others with your voice."

Since then I have gone on to record 5 songs and now singing around the country ( and leading praise and worship at a church of over 3, 000 members.

After reminiscing on my husband’s past track record, I then asked God to teach me how to help my husband lead and here are the three (3) things:

1.     Encourage him to lead: Instead of praying every morning encourage him to pray every other morning.

2.     Before making life altering decisions (saving, spending, choosing a college fund), ask for his input.

3.     Pray: Pray that God lays on his heart the importance and responsibility of a leader in the home.

Our husband’s may not always lead in the way we want them to but through prayer, God will continue to mold them into the man he created for our households!

Please leave any other suggestions you may have for me and others.

I look forward to linking up this week.

Link ups:


  1. Stopping over from Messy Marriage... thanks for being real about this struggle than many women have. Excellent points!

  2. Thank you so much for stopping by. I look forward to staying connected

  3. I'm here from Messy Marriage as well. Awesome post...and in many ways, I'm "that guy".

    The way in which I lead is to set an example by what I say and what I do. I'm not comfortable with petitionary prayer, so it's something I avoid. Instead I try to make sure that my wife knows that I am trusting God, and that I will help her trust Him, too.

    And I try to live the Gospel through my work...I'm moving toward becoming something of a full-time blogger, and speaking to and with a Christian fellowship and readership shapes everything else I do.

    Thanks again for this post!

    1. Thanks for providing a male point of view on this topic, I really appreciate it you stopping by I will also be visiting your blog!

  4. Ummm...I just tried to subscribe by email, but the button didn't seem to work....

  5. Andrew you should now be able to subscribe.

    Thanks so much!

  6. I stopped at Andrew site this morning which led me to yours. It took me years to let the truth soak into me that my introvert husband was leading in his way, not mine, my his. Because I took to heart the scripture I Cor. 11:3 God has led me through my husband to two third world countries serving with New Tribes Mission. It's freeing to let the weight of decision making for our family lay on him. It's freeing to be that sounding board for him and be that wife that is swift to hear and slow to speak. Like you I see the leader in my man, his kindness, his ability to carry much more weight then I can, he is my Moses. I never cease to be amazed at the power we women have to make or break a man and when we live for God we will be used to help make a Godly man. When we live for ourselves, watch out, even the strong silent men will break. Accepting my role in the marriage was huge for me...I am his helpmate...God gave me that role, it the first calling on a married woman life, before anything else. If we try to put any other calling before it then peace will leave our marriage.

    One little example. Years ago when my husband wanted to attend the bible institute at our church, it was three nights a week I wanted badly to attend it too. So I proceeded to put our two young children in the provided nursery and went to class with him. The very first night my extrovert personality just had to ask a few question of the teacher. I felt a wall go up between my husband and I but being the strong one, (or so I thought) I continued NOT to practice being quiet and just listen. Of course it caused a huge problem and finally my husband told me he did not want me to go, one because our children were in the nursery three times a week for church and then three more times on top of that. I knew he was right but I fought and continue to go for a couple more times. The wall got thicker and thicker. Finally I gave in and stopped. A few months later I was ask to start a home bible study for women by the pastor wife. God gave me my bible school at home, my husband grew by leaps and bounds without me there to speak for him. Fast forward a few years, we entered New Tribes Mission training, our kids are school age by then and I finally got to go to classes with my husband. I knew sitting in that first class God had honored my obedience to be a help mate way back then. My husband had grown and so had I. From that point on we have minister together in two third world countries, he has been on leadership really from the beginning of our ministry. And I have been behind the head of our house leading in my own way. Our leadership styles are still completely different but through many trials and errors we have been able to minister to others as a team. Don't get me wrong we still have to hammer out some of the same issue we worked through years ago. But having foundational truth to go back to such as I Cor 11:3 and dying to self we will be married 50 years in Oct. As I told Andrew we both carry scars from each other wounded each other, but they are scars, battle scars for if the enemy of our soul can destroy our marriage then we become part of his design for our life and not God's design. This is a great post just as Andrew was, keep posting for marriages, the battle will not be over till God takes us home.

    1. Betty, thank you so much for stopping by my blog I look forward to staying connected. Thank you for sharing your story, I saw a lot of characteristics in your husband that are similar to my husbsnd's.

  7. Hi Delora, you came to a wonderful conclusion... I have also noticed that the more we lead the less our husbands will. You will often see them take over their position when we walk away from it. And like you said, lots of prayer, it really works! I am visiting from Coffee & Conversation...