Secret Lives of Christian Women: I Have an ADHD child, Medicate or NOT

After receiving my third call from my toddler’s pre-school in less than a week, I knew at that point something had to be done. My four year old suffers from 1-2 hour tantrums, which have been reoccurring for 6 months. Nothing anyone says or does can calm him down. Trying time outs, breathing techniques and a spanking has not worked. We met with a child psychologist who said my son has signs of ADHD, but medication should not be an option until he is older.

So I asked for my other options and there were two:

     1. Develop a solid behavioral plan (which we already had in place).

     2. Home-schooling

Since we were already using the first option the second option was our last resort. I honestly knew that home-schooling my son would drive me crazy and he would be unhappy due to his daily craving for social interaction. After meeting with my pediatrician one more time and letting him know what the psychologist thought, the pediatrician agreed that medicating may be the best option. Why?

• Excessive and long tantrums
• Hyper-activity that involves only 8-9 hours of sleep a day
• Minimum focus in pre-K

Sooo…. What did I decide?

As much as I wanted to find a quick fix to my toddler’s challenging behavior, there were three things I failed to diligently pursue:

      God Through Pray

In Jeremiah 29:13 the word says, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

I hate to admit but I was more focused on what the professionals said over the indisputable word of God. Every child and situation is different, seeking God to find out what is best for our family is a must.

2   Research

When I took the time to do research and found out that the ADHD medicine can bring along friends (depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder), my opinion became more skewed. Additionally the loss of appetite and erratic behaviors also led me to second guess my decisions (medicate or not).

3   Peer Feedback

I confided in strangers that I know God placed in front of me at the grocery store and at Chucky Cheese and was provided with hope and honest feedback. One mother said, “The medicine changed my son, without it he would not have made it through 3^rd grade.” The other mom I confided in said, “You must do what is right for our family and medicating was right for us. My son needed it!”

After prayer, research and peer feedback, I have decided to wait on medicine. Why? My son is 4, which means he has the rest of his life to find a balance. In the meantime, food intake, bi-weekly appointments with a psychologist and weekly with his ever soooo patient teacher, will prayerfully get us through the school year.

Please share your thoughts with me on this topic.

Secret Lives of Christian Women: The Holy Spirit “Our Secret Weapon.” (A quick reminder about the function of the Holy Spirit in our lives)

As my frustration continued to rise while attempting to teach my toddler our home address, a gentle voice nudged at my heart to try something different. Instead of asking him, to repeat or write our address the Holy Spirit suggested incorporating fire trucks and police vehicles. Anyone who has ever been in the presence of my 4 year old knows how much he loves the mention of fire trucks and police cars. Playing games involving a toy phone and asking him to dial 911 to let the dispatcher know we need help from the police and fire department, helped him memorize our long and weird street address. 

The Holy Spirit not only helped me with my son but has reminded me about important school and work events along with scriptures I needed to remember during my toughest times.

I always tell my friends that the Holy-Spirit is a Christian’s secret weapon.

Do you ever feel the unction to do something different, say something to a stranger or your close friend facing hard times? It could be that you are being led by the Holy Spirit.

Who is the Holy Spirit?

There is some (maybe a lot of) mystery behind the Holy Spirit but the one thing we all know is that he completes the trinity (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit). Jesus said that he will send us a Comforter, which is the Holy Spirit, who will bring all things to our remembrance (John 14: 16, 26)

1. Shows Grace and Mercy: (Titus 3-5 NIV)

But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. 

2. Teacher and reminder: (John 14:26 NIV)

But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.

3, Revealer: (1 Cor. 2: 10-11 NIV)

But God has revealed it to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.

4. Helps in our Weakness: (Romans 8:26 NIV)

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.

The next time you are feeling overwhelmed, forgetful and all alone, remember that we have a secret weapon the Holy Spirit.

How do you let the Holy Spirit function in your life? 

Secret Life of Christian Women: What To Do When Life Changes

As I sit at a coffee shop enjoying my hour of silence with my favorite Iced Chia Latte coffee, I reflect on life before having a family. On a Saturday night, I would hang out with my best friend and laugh for hours. Now, time alone is limited and a treat. At times I catch myself complaining about my lack of sleep and heading to Walmart for the third time in one week. During one of my frustrating times I was reminded that this is a day, hour, and season of life that I will never see again. 

Ecclesiastes 3 talks about the different seasons of life. “A time to cry, laugh, die, a time for war and peace, a time to keep and throw away."

 I was having a conversation with one of the elderly women in my church and she said, “We are so busy raising children, that we miss out on the joy of having them.” Wow! Would you agree with what she stated? If no kids are at home, we may miss out on life by wishing we had our kids back home, which is not what God wants us to do.

My mother who is in her mid-60s never recovered when her three children left home. I remembered her saying, “This is all I ever lived for and now I don’t know what to do.” When I speak with her on a weekly basis, she always reminisces on the past instead of the present or her future. I can honestly say, I have been doing the same thing lately. Today I told my neighbor, “I remembered sleeping in until 10 or 12 on Saturdays before having a kid, I am really missing those days.” I could feel the conviction after that conversation.

Are you doing the same things? Wishing for another season? Here are 3 suggestions to help you enjoy the present.

• Laugh more! Psalm 126:2: Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them."
• Be MINDFUL (present).  Do you ever wonder how you made it to the store, or answered yes to a question? Mindfulness in communication basically means to be fully present in the moment. Are you present?

• Start creating memories in your head and take lots of pictures. At certain times, I stop, breathe and enjoy what my son is doing (I also take a picture). There is something about stopping, breathing, enjoying the moment and taking a picture. I can remember every one of those moments. Try it and let me know if it works for you.

 What to do when life changes? Enjoy it and allow God to receive the glory during good, bad, frustrating and challenging times!

 So……are you living in the Past, Present, or future?  What are you doing NOW to enjoy the present?

Link ups for the Week: Will continue adding throughout the week

@ Soul Survivor

My Husband's NOT the Spiritual Leader, I am

Spending a few days agonizing while praying about this new post led me back to my mission for the year, "Authenticity."

Google Images

Last Friday, as I led the morning prayer (like I do every morning), I was  left feeling annoyed and regretful in the decision I made to married a man that views spending time with God as something we are supposed to do, but no one really does.

As he said, "hurry up, make the prayer short," I was even more irritated with the situation. My drive to work was filled with questions for God.

1. Why is my husband not the leader of the home?

2. How can I make him more of a spiritual person?

3. Will the future of our family be affected by his lack of dependence on you?

I really thought God would feel my pain and frustration (and honestly feel sorry for me) instead I felt him say, 

"Why do you think he is not a spiritual leader?"

I started to name the list of things, such as him not praying over the family in the morning and not spending hours a week reading his Bible etc. I went on talking and referred to the scriptures. Specifically:

As I continued talking, a sense of conviction started to come over me. From my decades of walking with God I knew this meant, my thought process was not in line with his thoughts. It took everything for me to do a 180 with my thoughts but I know at this point it was required. I then reflected on the years my husband and I spent together and remembered two things that distinctively stood out to me and confirmed he was not only a follower of Christ but the head of the home. 

1. When my one year old had a seizure.

I was in a bad place watching my 1 year old in the hospital, powerless and listless. At that point my husband gave me a big hug and said, "God will take care of him, He promised.” My son is now doing better than ever despite the bad reports.

He started pre-K yesterday J

2. When I wanted to give up on singing.

I love singing but got tired of the politics and the negativity from others in the body of Christ. My husband stated, "If you feel God doesn't want you to sing any more you can stop, but I feel as though, God is calling you to reach others with your voice."

Since then I have gone on to record 5 songs and now singing around the country (deloracares.com) and leading praise and worship at a church of over 3, 000 members.

After reminiscing on my husband’s past track record, I then asked God to teach me how to help my husband lead and here are the three (3) things:

1.     Encourage him to lead: Instead of praying every morning encourage him to pray every other morning.

2.     Before making life altering decisions (saving, spending, choosing a college fund), ask for his input.

3.     Pray: Pray that God lays on his heart the importance and responsibility of a leader in the home.

Our husband’s may not always lead in the way we want them to but through prayer, God will continue to mold them into the man he created for our households!

Please leave any other suggestions you may have for me and others.

I look forward to linking up this week.

Link ups:

How to Reclaim Your Time in a World that NEVER Stops

When I dropped my four year old son off to daycare and quickly found the exit, one of the teachers ran behind me yelling, “Ms. Peters…..Ms. Peters!” I thought my kid was already misbehaving before I left the building, but I was wrong. The teacher whispered, “Your shirt is buttoned incorrectly.” The feelings of frustration and embarrassment overwhelmed me as I quickly said, “thank you.” On my 20 minute drive to work I cried uncontrollably, I felt like that was my sign from God.  I realized time is running me instead of me running it. Since that day, I came up with 4 ways I plan to reclaim my time and enjoy my family while paying close attention to me (like aligning the buttons on my shirt correctly J).

 Pray without ceasing (I Thessalonians 5:16-18)

Praying centers me quickly, it takes my focus off of worry, time and my limitations (as a wife and mother) and propels me to focus on God’s word.

Create a daily blueprint (Habakkuk 2:2)

Asking myself how I want the end of the day to look will help keep me focused on daily tasks. I always use a to-do list consisting of no more than 5 things a day and it has been a successful plan.

Get quiet (Job 6:24)

In the quiet moments I hear God more than ever. This means not listening to the radio on my drive to work and turning the TV off while in bed to reflect on my day.

Avoid drama and Time Stealers: (1 Thessalonians 5:22)
 
For some reason I always seem to get caught up in drama. I think I have a sign on my forehead that states, “Come and tell me all of your problems, I have the solutions.” Instead of politely saying, “I understand” and removing myself from the situation, I feel the need to comfort and listen to others. This takes time away from what I should really focus on and subconsciously affects my mood for the rest of the day.  My new rule is 3 minutes. I allow the individual a few minutes and if it is not leading to successful outcome or God centered conversation, I remove myself.

 

What are some things you do to reclaim your time? I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Let’s stay connected:

Facebook/deloranow
Twitter/deloranow
Blogger/deloracares.blogspot.com
Pininterest/deloracares


 

Tuesday's Music Inspiration: The One That Really Matters

The past 6 months have been a challenge for my family and the only thing getting me through is praise and worship. The word says:

 By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of [our] lips giving thanks to his name. Hebrews 13:15

In the upcoming weeks, I want to share a song of the week that is helping me through this season. This week's song is from Michael W. Smith's new album "Sovereign" featuring Kari Jobe. If you want to be led in the presence of God, this song will take you there. 

Prepare for Summer by Avoiding Time Stealers: What does God what you to do?

Today, I want to discuss "time stealers" as we prepare for a busy summer with our families. At times, we get caught up in the everyday hustle and bustle that we forget that God has a plan for our daily lives. Here are a few questions that will help us all refocus on his plan for our lives and have a productive and memorable summer! I entitled this "time stealers" because I heard someone say, if we do not have discipline we will let time tell us what to do instead of us telling it what to do.


For the last 2 weeks, I wrote down exactly what I did with my time.

 Here is a break down:

• I spent over 5 hours on average dealing with co-workers and their complaints about life and work.
• I spent over 20 minutes a day repeating to my husband what he needed to get done for the day.
• I spent at least 6 hours after the fact, feeling guilty for yelling at my 4 year old who decides almost every morning to have a meltdown just before we leave home for the day because he must take at least two of his favorite toys to preschool (smile).
• I spent over 1 hour a day looking at updates on facebook and twitter that are mostly things that will not make a difference in my life. Can you relate?

I must say that helping co-workers, husbands, children and staying updated on the lives of our friends is not a bad thing but is it taking away from what God wants us to do on that day? The bible says, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” What have you been doing that takes way from God's plan for your day?

Here are a few questions to help us reflect and hopefully better prepare for summer.

1. What is the one thing you were ask by God to do this year but it have not started or completed yet?
2. How do you plan to save money during the summer?
3. What about your marriage or single life, is it where it could be or do you need to spend more time with your spouse or more time alone in the word of God preparing for a spouse?
4. What about exercising more?

Prayer: God as we prepare for summer, may we always remember to seek you for daily direction. Forgive us for straying and allowing "time stealers" to take presidency over your daily purpose. In Jesus name.....AMEN!
 
Let’s stay connected:

Facebook/deloranow
Twitter/deloranow
Blogger/deloracares.blogspot.com
Pininterest/deloracares
e-mail: deloracares@gmail.com

7 Creative Time Management Tips for Mom

I am so excited about sharing my time management tips and learning some new ones from you. We plan vacations and are intentional about watching certain shows nightly but as moms we sometimes forget the importance of time management in every area of our lives (spiritual, mental, physical).

The Bible states in Ephesians 5:15-17

“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil…..

 

Here are 7 things I do weekly to make the best use of my time.

    1 .   Schedule alone time with my husband (includes sex and having conversations)

A friend told me that she schedules sex time with her husband weekly and I thought she was crazy. I finally give in and started doing the same thing and wow! It has made a big difference in our lives. The days may change weekly but that time is important.  We know how important it is for men to have sex.

 

2.     Prepare a food schedule for each week and prep (including breakfast and snacks)

I use to spend so much time thinking about what to eat for snacks and breakfast times and having a schedule makes a difference. I also prep my breakfast foods and  prepare lunch boxes nightly.

3.     Cleaning daily

The house (especially the bathroom) is challenging to maintain so I always do a quick bathroom cleaning when my son is having bath time. I allow him to play in the bath for 10-15 minutes, while I clean the sink, toilet and wipe down the floors.

4.     Homework

My four year old is enrolled in an ambitious pre-school program so we have homework daily. To save time on his homework (writing his name 4 times, coloring etc.) we usually do this while I am cooking dinner. His little desk is placed in the kitchen area and he enjoys being close to me while completing his homework.

5.     Family Times:

Life can always get so busy but family time should be one of our top priorities. Each week, as a family we do something that excludes sitting around at home. We go to Chucky Cheese, walking or play outside together.

 

6.     Rest time and alone time

 

The importance of resting and being alone is underrated. After experiencing some health issues the importance of rest is more real than ever before. Alone time is challenging but even 30 minutes of alone time can make a difference.

 

Spending time alone with God helps us prepare for the unseen and stay focused on what he wants us to do for him and our family on a daily basis.

 

7.     Physical fitness

Most of us do not have time to exercise for 1 hour daily but we do have time to stretch and do some time of physical activity. If nothing else try to stretch try to stretch daily. According to Yahoo.com, “If you could use some more energy, stretching can definitely help you in that department as well. When you stretch the different muscle groups in the body, you benefit by getting increased blood circulation and increased blood circulation means more energy for you.”

 

 

Please share some of your time management secrets with us! I look forward to linking up with you this week.