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Sunday, January 18, 2015

Secret Life of Christian Women: I hate My husband and I Am Unhappy

The thoughts we have as Christian wives and moms are very similar to some of the same thoughts as our friends. I was reminded of this while having lunch with a Christian friend
who said, "Sometimes I wish my husband didn't come home."

Why are so many Christian women struggling in their marriages and why is the divorce rate still high in the Christian community? I do not know all the answers, but I know that we need to do something. If it means me writing a blog so that other women can freely express their fears and pain, then I am happy to do so.

The feminist movement began in the 18th Century but the evidence of the movement started to surface in the 1960s and 1970s when the mass entry of women into the workforce and the Pill changed women's traditional role within the family. Feminists demanded the right to abortion on demand, free childcare provision and equal pay. Many have said that this led to the unhappiness of women.

According to a Huffington Post (2009) article, "since 1972, women's overall level of happiness has dropped, both relative to where they were forty years ago, and relative to men." It goes on to state that by the time women reach age forty-seven, they are, overall, less happy with their life than men, and the trend continues on down from there. More recently, The Austin Institute did a study and found that there are more unhappy married women than unhappy men.

So you are asking what does unhappiness have to do with hating our husbands?  According to a New York Post, it has everything to do with why we hate our husbands. Now, more mothers are breadwinners who still head home to clean, cook, help with homework and have forgettable sex with their husbands. Why would we not be unhappy?

Fox news blames a woman’s unhappiness on taking the lead in marriage. Lou Dobbs stated, “A rise in female breadwinners is "concerning and troubling," suggestive of "society dissolv[ing] around us." There may be numerous reasons for a woman’s unhappiness but blaming the woman does not solve the issues we are facing.

I must admit that my feelings toward my husband are not that different from my friend who wishes her husband did not come home. Every time I discuss my unhappiness with other Christian women, they just say that things will get better and provide me with endless scriptures. Instead of only providing you with scriptures I also want to give you some practical steps that can be taken to improve the way we feel toward our spouses.

  • Write down the positive things about your husband on a note card and refer to it every day!
  • Pray for him every day! This is something I stopped doing and need to start doing again.    (Philippians 1:6, Psalm 119:73, Psalm 37:23,1 Corinthians 1:3).
  • When the time is right, discuss your concerns with your husband (the time is never right when you are having an argument).

  • Seek counseling and to be fair to your husband, avoid receiving counseling from your local pastor. Seek out a counselor who is objective. 

If you have other suggestions please share it with us. I look forward to reading your comments. You can find all my link ups for the week here.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Keeping Your Marriage Intact During Pregnancy (Through Prayer and Action)

The news about my second pregnancy came as a surprise to both my husband and I but we became more and more excited as months passed. Now six months in, we are anticipating the arrival of little Anna, but I must admit our marriage has suffered. Why? My erratic behavior, low libido and exhaustion is some of the blame.  Since I am not the first and last one going through this happy and challenging season, I want to share my personal experience and scriptural solutions that encourages me and can help you.

Pregnancy does not give me an excuse to be erratic

 I must admit that this second child has really done a number on me (smile). 

·        All day sickness
·        Gaining over 20 pounds in my first trimester (although I can hardly eat)
·        Restless and sleepless nights

All these side effects to pregnancy has led to a disgruntled husband and many regrets on my part for my behavior.  

Scripture Solution

Sex has become the last thing on my list 

My body has changed for the better with more defined hips and noticeable boobs, which makes my husband even more attracted to me. The thought of sex, I must admit makes me feel sick for some reason and disinterested. I honestly feel the right to avoid sex, because of pregnancy. Is this wrong? God’s answer to me was YES, it is wrong. Why? Because I am being selfish and self-centered and not considerate of my husband’s feelings.

Scripture Solution

Enjoy Pregnancy and ALL It Brings

I have 17 weeks left in my pregnancy and realized I have not been enjoying life. Being caught up in the everyday hassles of life, dealing with an extended morning sickness and working over 60 hours a week caused me to lose focus on what really matters. Many women try to get pregnant and are unable to because of medical challenges and I ignored the blessing God has given to me. Since that realization, I started taking more time for myself, embracing the comments from others about my glowing skin and enjoying being catered too by strangers.

Scripture Solution

Communicate with your husband

Communication to me just means having honest dialogue. I have a tendency to hold everything in and not taking the time to let my husband know exactly how I feel. My introvert approach to conflict has proven to be a disaster. I have learned two things in the last six months:

1.      My husband cannot read my mind (especially now that I’m pregnant)
2.      Avoid using the words “Never” and “always.”

If you are pregnant, now someone who is pregnant or preparing for pregnancy, I hope the information provided in this post, saves you the pain and confusion I encountered. The first five months of pregnancy has been a test of faith but through scriptural help, and inward observations, my marriage is doing much better. I am looking forward to weekly link ups this week.

Scripture Solution