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Sunday, January 18, 2015

Secret Life of Christian Women: I hate My husband and I Am Unhappy

The thoughts we have as Christian wives and moms are very similar to some of the same thoughts as our friends. I was reminded of this while having lunch with a Christian friend
who said, "Sometimes I wish my husband didn't come home."

Why are so many Christian women struggling in their marriages and why is the divorce rate still high in the Christian community? I do not know all the answers, but I know that we need to do something. If it means me writing a blog so that other women can freely express their fears and pain, then I am happy to do so.

The feminist movement began in the 18th Century but the evidence of the movement started to surface in the 1960s and 1970s when the mass entry of women into the workforce and the Pill changed women's traditional role within the family. Feminists demanded the right to abortion on demand, free childcare provision and equal pay. Many have said that this led to the unhappiness of women.

According to a Huffington Post (2009) article, "since 1972, women's overall level of happiness has dropped, both relative to where they were forty years ago, and relative to men." It goes on to state that by the time women reach age forty-seven, they are, overall, less happy with their life than men, and the trend continues on down from there. More recently, The Austin Institute did a study and found that there are more unhappy married women than unhappy men.

So you are asking what does unhappiness have to do with hating our husbands?  According to a New York Post, it has everything to do with why we hate our husbands. Now, more mothers are breadwinners who still head home to clean, cook, help with homework and have forgettable sex with their husbands. Why would we not be unhappy?

Fox news blames a woman’s unhappiness on taking the lead in marriage. Lou Dobbs stated, “A rise in female breadwinners is "concerning and troubling," suggestive of "society dissolv[ing] around us." There may be numerous reasons for a woman’s unhappiness but blaming the woman does not solve the issues we are facing.

I must admit that my feelings toward my husband are not that different from my friend who wishes her husband did not come home. Every time I discuss my unhappiness with other Christian women, they just say that things will get better and provide me with endless scriptures. Instead of only providing you with scriptures I also want to give you some practical steps that can be taken to improve the way we feel toward our spouses.

  • Write down the positive things about your husband on a note card and refer to it every day!
  • Pray for him every day! This is something I stopped doing and need to start doing again.    (Philippians 1:6, Psalm 119:73, Psalm 37:23,1 Corinthians 1:3).
  • When the time is right, discuss your concerns with your husband (the time is never right when you are having an argument).

  • Seek counseling and to be fair to your husband, avoid receiving counseling from your local pastor. Seek out a counselor who is objective. 

If you have other suggestions please share it with us. I look forward to reading your comments. You can find all my link ups for the week here.


  1. This post broke my heart today. I have not felt this way before, so I would be lying if I said I know how you felt. But I know there are women out there who do.
    I think many women could find this to be good advice.
    I wonder as I read your points if I did feel this way, would I go to my local pastor? The nearest church is 3 towns away, and to find another Christian counselor would be an hour away. I can't counsel myself, so... I believe that our current pastor loves my husband and I equally, but I can see how this would be a concern for some couples.
    I have no idea which we would choose, but you have given me a tool to think about should this situation come up. (And it's always good to be prepared, right?)

    1. Thank you so much for stopping. I look forward to staying connected!

  2. Years ago I felt this way and I went through the 30 day husband encouragement challenge with Nancy Leigh DeMoss at Revive Our Hearts - it transformed my marriage, by transforming the way I thought about my husband. I HIGHLY recommend it!

    1. I LOVE Nancy Leigh DeMoss, I will have to check that resource out.

      Thanks for stopping in!

  3. After 22 years of marriage, I believe the only way to be completely fulfilled is to put Christ first. Once we learn to live as committed to Him as possible, everything else seems to fall into place.

    Even if our marriages don't turn out the way we hope or expect, we can have peace knowing that we have done absolutely all that is within our power.

    Let us all commit to praying, not only for our own marriages, but for all marriages, Christian and secular. The enemy seeks to destroy all things that God has created and called good.

    Thanks so much for sharing this post. ~Heather @ My Overflowing Cup

    1. You are so right about placing Christ first and committing to prayer. I am learning that more and more.

  4. Hi there, I'm stopping over from the 'Soul Survival' link-up. : )

    I recently read a book about this very topic. It's a memoir by Juana Mikels. It was very helpful and encourages women to seek God has their source of joy and to always remember He is the only one who can fulfill us. Here is a link to my thoughts on the book...

    1. I love every thing Juana Mikels have to say. Thanks so much for sharing, I will have to check out her book.

  5. Hi Delora,

    I appreciate your transparency on this topic. You mentioned the high divorce rate among Christians - As we all know marriage can be rough at times and I think when things get really tough it is easier to go separate ways than to work the marriage. Stopping by from Faith Filled Friday link up.